Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
