yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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