I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
