Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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