my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
