Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No subtext here. People are naked.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Let's get the cat blown out
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
