when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
