I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
