There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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