First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
