I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
