Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
