Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
