the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize