i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
