i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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