I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
