Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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