meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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