Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You are the jesus of drinking
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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