Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
