I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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