What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
