Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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