Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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