just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
