But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
