I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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