I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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