And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
