nut hugger
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
