I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
