Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My pussy is not your playground.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
