all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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