Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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