I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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