my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
