Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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