I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
