I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
