***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
