How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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