She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize