I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
