She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
