I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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