sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
