i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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