I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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