Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
People in love make me want to vomit
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
