My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
