I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize