...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
