did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
