Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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