I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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