Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
