Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
