it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
