i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
