This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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