Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
