I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
