The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
