she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
