Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
