Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
