Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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