Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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