What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
