im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
and i looked up. we had an audience...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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