They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Randomize
