i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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