I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
